2013: A Year in GIFS (Part 2)

Behold - Part 2 of 2013: A Year in Gifs. July to December saw sledgehammer licking, award shows, Samsung deals, and the (pop)stars align in the attempt of delivering flawfree song after flawfree song...to which they kinda failed. Oh well. On to: 

July
Jay-Z released his latest, 'Magna Carta...Holy Grail' as a rap world first. Striking a $20,000,000 (£12, 200,000) with Samsung, MCHG was made available for Samsung Galaxy users for free on the 4th. The deal helped the album move over 1,000,000 copies by the 9th alone. While the album took influence from high culture, Jay took a bollocking over the technological collab. Issues arose over the amount of royalties going to Jay, while others questioned the albums certification and eligibility to chart on the Billboard Hot 200. The album was good I guess, but myself and others around me couldn't help but cry "we get it, Shawn... 

...you're rich".

August
I have to scroll down a bit as I write this as that Big Ang gif as actually really distracting. 
August was a musical shamble. It was the month that Katy Perry and Lady Gaga dropped both of their singles. While 'Roar' was delivered on the 10th, 'Applause' was originally planned a week later, but found itself leaked by Gaga obsessed hackers and "rush released" for the 12th. If anyone remembers, Stefani was furious. It became an impromtu battle between stanbases for who would end up on top.  

vs.

Sadly for me, it was the former who ended up winning at the time. 'Roar' found itself at #1 in around 15 countries and later grabbed two Grammy nominations, while 'Applause' reached the top spot in the official charts in 4 territories. I don't think I've read the term "but sales aren't everything" as much as I have in the last 5 months.

On the 25th the MTV Video Music Awards took place but I don't wanna go into that. I've done it done already. 

September

September was claimed almost entirely by Little Miss Miley , who dropped the video for 'Wrecking Ball' on the 9th. The second single off her emancipation LP 'Bangerz' became the fastest music video to reach 100,000,000 views on Vevo since the sites inception. 

The song was so emotional charged she cried, no wept all through it, shot by the ever creepy Terry Richardson. 

She was also nekkid.

It's turned out to be one of the most gif-able videos of the year. Mostly due to this:

mmmmmmmmmmm.

 Also some genius also decided to photoshop Nicholas Cage's face on her body:

Best.

A seemingly endless stream of open letters were written, mostly to or from Miley Cyrus and Sinead O'Connor. What appeared to be moderately interesting in the beginning just went on, and on, and on, and on...urgh. 


Also Justin Timberlake released 'The 20/20 Experience Part 2 of 2' and despite being mildly underwhelming, it was still better than 3 quarters of the utter feces that was shipped to radio this year.  

You know it's true. 

October
The fourth season of The Walking Dead premiered on the 13th, delivering 16.1 million live viewers - the highest audience for a cable network show in US History. Trumping TV juggernauts such as Modern Family, Big Bang Theory and CSI, the show saw the largest audience of the shows lifespan. Incredibly and undoubtedly well deserved.

Justin Bieber started releasing precocious bedroom jams every Monday, dubbed "Music Mondays". Recorded in hotel rooms, tour buses or anywhere he could find, Bieber started laying down depressing tracks about how sad he was and how much he missed Selena Gomez or whatever. All songs were compiled into what's now known as his ~journals and to be honest, they're not shit. Not shit at all. 

Look how sad they both are as she slowly slides down his body.

November
Way back in April-ish, I mentioned to a friend that Thor: The Dark World "will be my main November jam", and it really was. But still it was Loki-this, Loki-that, can't-wait-for-Avengers-2 and so on. As with Happy Endings, get your acts together and start liking the right things people. 'ARTPOP' dropped, and while many had the pitchforks out ready to proclaim the album as a flop, it ended up doing well. "Not as well as 'Born This Way'" you say, but when you sell an album on Amazon for 99 cents in its opening week people are obviously gonna it all up. If you'd like to glance down a few centimetres you'll see an image of Lady Gaga dressed as an Ultraman/sex doll/toaster hybrid while she performs Artpop's opening track, 'Aura' at her ArtRave event in New York.

Do you?

One person who didn't release an album that month was *twist*, Rihanna. The island princess has popped off with a new LP every November for the past 4 years ('Rated R' in 2009, 'Loud' in 2010, 'Talk That Talk' in 2011 and 'Unapologetic' in 2012), yet opted not to go for a fifth outing in 2013. She did however release more singles from 'Unapologetic', including the dark stripper anthem 'Pour It Up'. The video featured her doing this:

I'll never get over it.

At the American Music Awards on the 24th, Alicia Silverstone was asked who she was most looking forward to meeting. Her answer?

I can't tell if she was taking the piss or if she genuinely thinks that's their name but either way this is hilarious. Rihanna was given the first ever 'ICON' Award at the show, which basically awarded her for having a vast number of Twitter and Instagram followers. Seriously. 

Also one of the most important music videos of the decade dropped on the 19th. It needs no introduction:

I have so much time for all things Bound 2. Sadly, Kanye didn't have time for much else as he descended further into madness on Sway's radio show 'Sway in the Morning'. While the host and MTV presenter named West "one of the most clever people to manipulate the internet", Kanye berated Sway for not having "the answers". To what you say? I'm still unsure. It's frustrating to me that on occasions, Kanye opens his mouth and lil' nuggets of gold come out, but those golden nuggets are surrounded by so much hot air and nothingness you can't take them in. 

December
Part of the reason I waited until the new year to finish this was due to the fact I could give December the same amount as respect as the previous months. I don't get these people who do year reviews half way through December. There's still half of the month left. Sadly for them, those that did missed out on one of the most unprecedented musical events of the year. Which as we all know how as:

Bey day. 

Friday 13th 2013. 

Instead of describing how well Beyoncé's album did is doing, let this gif of Kirby illustrate what went down:

For those who don't get it, Beyoncé is obviously Kirby. The food represents the music industry, people's minds, their wallets and the lessers who couldn't get it together in 2013. The self titled album came after 11 and a half months of teasing, false starts and scrapped material, but left everyone in a frenzy minutes after the whole album and it's 17 music videos dropped out of nowhere. She really broke the internet that day and it still hasn't fully recovered.

I didn't even like Beyoncé thaaaat much before but you couldn't deny.
It was a Christmas M I R A C L E.

But before that on the 2nd, Britney Spears 8th album, 'Britney Jean' was released so somewhat minimal fanfare. After teasing that her next project would be her "most personal album to date" time, and time and time again, the first single which dropped in the crowded month of September sounded anything but. 

So personal.

Whether or not it was her "most personal" became irrelevant, as the words were quickly replaced with "least successful", as the album only managed to reach #4 in the US and 34 in the UK. 

But sales aren't everything.

She also began her much hyped 2 year Las Vegas Residency on the 27th, reportedly raking in $15,000,000 (£9,140,000) a year for the set of shows. I wish someone would pay ME $300,000 a night (yes, three hundred thousand dollars a NIGHT) to do this:

At least she looks good.

So there it is, 2013s guide to pop culture for dummies. I wonder what great and terrible things await us next year? Will Azealia Banks and Iggy Azalea release their long awaited debut LPs in '14? Will Lana Del Rey's second official album 'Ultraviolence' dazzle us or send us to sleep? And will Leo finally get that Oscar he's been pining for his whole career? Only time will tell. All I know is that I never wanna hear the terms "this is my most personal album to date" "open letter" or "twerking" again. Especially by those who can't even do it. 

It's just insulting.

Gubbye.

Credit to: Gifatron, Weheartit, Mrwgifs, Hitfix, and the tumblrs, Happy Endings gifs, elloscambiaron-mivida, middlechildswag, hotnewsgator, realitytvgifs, districtMTV
& Pinkisthenewblog

Miley Cyrus - Bangerz

I tried not to. I wasn't going to. But I found myself pulled in by the alluring statement that the fourth album by Miley Cyrus would be "nothing but Bangerz", hence the album title, 'Bangerz'. With such a strong statement, I'd already made up my mind that the album would feature incredible beats by Pharrell and Miley's new partner in crime Mike Will Made It (who worked on 7 out of the 13 tracks)… while lacking in pretty much everything else. Where my presumptions correct? Let’s see. 

We've seen this time and time again. The young female artist desperate to shed their former (Disney) skin, adopts a newer, "adult" or more "free" version of their past self. Rihanna was the good girl who went bad, Britney became a slave in a circus and of course, Madonna became just about anything and everything she could possibly lend her mind to. Now it's Miley's turn. Leaning more towards the R&B and Hip-Hop influenced side of pop, some of the most unexpected collaborations of the year take place on this album . Among Mike Will as the main producer, 'Bangerz' features guest verses from Big Sean, French Montana, Future, Nelly and Britney herself. Do they really believe she’s talented? Or are they just tryna take a ride on the twerkin' cash cow? No one knows for sure. But save for Big Sean, all other featured artists seem p-r-e-t-t-y disinterested on their own tracks. That should leave you with a clear answer.

When she’s not gassing about purp, Miley’s getting weirdly personal. 'Love Money Party' is cloaked with epic relationship turmoil's , gawking about how she's been through too many heartbreaks "for a human to take" while also being the "girl on the side". You'd never guess it would end up so due to the bumping freaky fairground sound of the track. 'Wrecking Ball' and album opener 'Adore You' are two of the strongest moments on the album, which as you may know, are both *TWIST* ballads. Not exactly what you may cite as a banger. 

The killer production is sadly few and far between. #Getitright is a dud while My Darlin' would be instantly forgettable if it wasn't for the line "I ain't pop no molly but you still got me sweatin'". The Country-Hop '4x4' is the 'Hoedown Throwdown' for nu-Miley, and 'FU' is a showtune tinged kiss-off that can't not be directed at former fiancée Liam Hemsworth. 

After multiple (yes, multiple) listens, it's safe to say this album, isn't exactly flowing with bangerz. The sorta title track 'SMS (Bangerz)' however is a Miami Bass sounding rager that'll probably be a single. Think Bring It On meets 'Baby Got Back' and there you have it. It's a shame that the rest of the album couldn't stick it the way this can. 

C+ 

Key Tracks: Adore You, SMS (Bangerz), Wrecking Ball

VMAs: The Good, The Bad and The Downright Disgusting

On Sunday night, I said to a good friend, "I haven't said this in 10 years, but I am really excited for the VMAs tonight". That's no exaggeration, as I feel like the MTV Video Music Awards haven't been good since about 2003 or '04. What once seemed to be an alternative awards ceremony celebrating the best in the business and those who couldn't get close to a Grammy later turned into a seemingly overreaching spectacle to win viewership ratings. 

This year saw the awards return back to form. Although it wouldn't be the VMAs without a lil' controversy, it was nice to see a strong selection of nominees while also witnessing some incredible live performances. 

Ten of the show's moments have been spread (unevenly) into three categories; The Good, The Bad and the troll-under-a-bridge ugly. I don't think it takes a genius to guess which moments were the ugliest.

5. Lady Gaga's opener - 'Applause'

Yes, Lady Gaga opened the show with 'Applause', the first single off her third album 'Artpop'. While I'm sure some of you found time to cheer her, others were more likely to moan and groan, as after only four years, a lot of people seem to be sick of her already. My expectations for this performance were at a comfortable average to reasonably high, only to be exceeded entirely. 

Why Gaga found it necessary to wear four different costumes and three different wigs is unbeknownst to me at this moment in time, but for now I'll just take it as it was. An incredibly entertaining show opener.


4. The Surprise presenters




Something I didn't see coming were the appearances of Jason Collins, TLC and Lil' Kim this year. Even though Kim herself is a native Brooklynite (where the event was held this year), I never would've guessed that she'd actually turn up, especially since she left me hanging at Lovebox this year. Taking turns to introduce performances by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Drake, and the nominees for Best Rap Video respectively, the three were a pleasant add to the mix among the stars of the new generation, including Iggy Azalea, Selena Gomez and Bruno Mars.

3. Danity Kane's reformation

While a collective 'WHO?!' sweeps this post/nation/the internet, lemme say one thing. Danity Kane are my jam. Those who know me know this. Shannon, Aundrea, Aubrey and Dawn stepped out together as a group for the first time five years, acting like no time had passed at all. The band made famous on MTV's Making The Band released two albums in '06 and '08 before being disbanded by the groups creator, the Ciroc splashing Diddy in '09. Becoming the only girl group in history to have their first two albums début atop the Billboard chart, the new foursome (the fifth member, 'D. Woods' decided not to return for whatever reason), announced that they're currently readying a new single, titled 'Rage' from their upcoming third album. Sure they've been gone longer than they were together, and most people don't know who they are, but I remain excited.

2. Kanye West's 'Blood on the Leaves'

The most shocking thing that Kanye West can do at the point is act like a normal human being. Which is pretty much what he did the entire time he was on stage performing 'Blood on the Leaves' this year. West made a rare appearance at this years awards to perform a track from his dark, twisted but not so beautiful LP, Yeezus on Sunday night. While performing in front of the backdrop to Steve McQueen's "Lynching Tree", West flailed and wailed to the track which samples Nina Simone's 'Strange Fruit'. So maybe it wasn't exactly normal, but pretty normal for him at least. 

1. Justin Timberlake & NSync's Medley 

How could this not be #1? The recipient of this year's Video Vanguard Award blessed us with a 15 minute medley of almost every song he's ever released.  About half way through Timberlake headed towards the stage to reunite with the best boyband of all time, NSync for 'Gone', 'Bye Bye Bye' and 'Girlfriend'.

The choreography and vocals were air fucking TIGHT. 

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

and most importantly, Exhibit C:

And let's not forget about this:

I need a slo-mo of that:

Everyone, their mother, and Lady Gaga lost their minds:

The Bad

3. Katy Perry's closer, 'Roar'

To be fair, this show had the fewest poor moments since I started watching the show in 1998, so it was quite hard to pick these. So I'm sorry Katy Perry but this one goes to you. Also performing the lead single from her third album, Perry opted for a 'Rocky' themed stage set under the Brooklyn Bridge. The performance wasn't necessarily 'bad' exactly, just a tad slow and dull for a show closer. It probably doesn't help that I also don't like the song at all.

2. Taylor Swift's potty mouth

It's hard to know who she was referring to exactly or whether it was just clever editing, but there's a member of One Direction she clearly can't stand the sound of. Bad in the best possible way.


1. That weird voice Joseph Gordon Levitt was speaking in.

JGL took the stage to present the award for Video of the Year, only to grace us with a really weird 19th Century circus ringleader persona. Although he recognised his own ridiculousness, he was met on stage by the awards recipient, Justin Timberlake also using the same voice...which made it slightly less cringe-inducing. Slightly.

The Ugly

2. Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke's 'We Can't Stop/Blurred Lines/Give It 2 Me'

As this feature is already a lot more image and gif heavy than expected, I'm gonna keep this one clean and short. What the hell was I even watching when Miley Cyrus performed 'We Can't Stop'? From the sad teddy bears, to the backoff slapping, to Cyrus's 'twerking', I don't even know where to begin. At least for the final song we had 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar attempt to save this desperate and unnecessary attempt for Cyrus to shed her child star skin. Call me an old codger but I was kinda disgusted. 

I'm gonna let this image speak for itself and be done with it...

...urgh...



1. Everyone's reaction to it

...Except I can't be cause the reactions are some of the best things to come out of this years ceremony. Of course, the Parents Television Council complained as it's pretty much what they do, but the Twittersphere exploded. In fact, this performance alone produced a gargantuan 306,000 tweets per minute, breaking a record previously held by Beyonce's Superbowl performance in February. Low and behold my favourite tweet o' them all:

Heh.


So there you have it. With 10.6 million live viewers it was also the most watched VMA telecast in recent years. More importantly there was something for everyone this year.
Unless you're a Chris Brown fan.

Credit to, fuckenamyy, tammygu3, Mashable, @flashinlightsU and MTV, and anyone elses .gifs I used from Tumblr.