2013: A Year in GIFS (Part 2)

Behold - Part 2 of 2013: A Year in Gifs. July to December saw sledgehammer licking, award shows, Samsung deals, and the (pop)stars align in the attempt of delivering flawfree song after flawfree song...to which they kinda failed. Oh well. On to: 

July
Jay-Z released his latest, 'Magna Carta...Holy Grail' as a rap world first. Striking a $20,000,000 (£12, 200,000) with Samsung, MCHG was made available for Samsung Galaxy users for free on the 4th. The deal helped the album move over 1,000,000 copies by the 9th alone. While the album took influence from high culture, Jay took a bollocking over the technological collab. Issues arose over the amount of royalties going to Jay, while others questioned the albums certification and eligibility to chart on the Billboard Hot 200. The album was good I guess, but myself and others around me couldn't help but cry "we get it, Shawn... 

...you're rich".

August
I have to scroll down a bit as I write this as that Big Ang gif as actually really distracting. 
August was a musical shamble. It was the month that Katy Perry and Lady Gaga dropped both of their singles. While 'Roar' was delivered on the 10th, 'Applause' was originally planned a week later, but found itself leaked by Gaga obsessed hackers and "rush released" for the 12th. If anyone remembers, Stefani was furious. It became an impromtu battle between stanbases for who would end up on top.  

vs.

Sadly for me, it was the former who ended up winning at the time. 'Roar' found itself at #1 in around 15 countries and later grabbed two Grammy nominations, while 'Applause' reached the top spot in the official charts in 4 territories. I don't think I've read the term "but sales aren't everything" as much as I have in the last 5 months.

On the 25th the MTV Video Music Awards took place but I don't wanna go into that. I've done it done already. 

September

September was claimed almost entirely by Little Miss Miley , who dropped the video for 'Wrecking Ball' on the 9th. The second single off her emancipation LP 'Bangerz' became the fastest music video to reach 100,000,000 views on Vevo since the sites inception. 

The song was so emotional charged she cried, no wept all through it, shot by the ever creepy Terry Richardson. 

She was also nekkid.

It's turned out to be one of the most gif-able videos of the year. Mostly due to this:

mmmmmmmmmmm.

 Also some genius also decided to photoshop Nicholas Cage's face on her body:

Best.

A seemingly endless stream of open letters were written, mostly to or from Miley Cyrus and Sinead O'Connor. What appeared to be moderately interesting in the beginning just went on, and on, and on, and on...urgh. 


Also Justin Timberlake released 'The 20/20 Experience Part 2 of 2' and despite being mildly underwhelming, it was still better than 3 quarters of the utter feces that was shipped to radio this year.  

You know it's true. 

October
The fourth season of The Walking Dead premiered on the 13th, delivering 16.1 million live viewers - the highest audience for a cable network show in US History. Trumping TV juggernauts such as Modern Family, Big Bang Theory and CSI, the show saw the largest audience of the shows lifespan. Incredibly and undoubtedly well deserved.

Justin Bieber started releasing precocious bedroom jams every Monday, dubbed "Music Mondays". Recorded in hotel rooms, tour buses or anywhere he could find, Bieber started laying down depressing tracks about how sad he was and how much he missed Selena Gomez or whatever. All songs were compiled into what's now known as his ~journals and to be honest, they're not shit. Not shit at all. 

Look how sad they both are as she slowly slides down his body.

November
Way back in April-ish, I mentioned to a friend that Thor: The Dark World "will be my main November jam", and it really was. But still it was Loki-this, Loki-that, can't-wait-for-Avengers-2 and so on. As with Happy Endings, get your acts together and start liking the right things people. 'ARTPOP' dropped, and while many had the pitchforks out ready to proclaim the album as a flop, it ended up doing well. "Not as well as 'Born This Way'" you say, but when you sell an album on Amazon for 99 cents in its opening week people are obviously gonna it all up. If you'd like to glance down a few centimetres you'll see an image of Lady Gaga dressed as an Ultraman/sex doll/toaster hybrid while she performs Artpop's opening track, 'Aura' at her ArtRave event in New York.

Do you?

One person who didn't release an album that month was *twist*, Rihanna. The island princess has popped off with a new LP every November for the past 4 years ('Rated R' in 2009, 'Loud' in 2010, 'Talk That Talk' in 2011 and 'Unapologetic' in 2012), yet opted not to go for a fifth outing in 2013. She did however release more singles from 'Unapologetic', including the dark stripper anthem 'Pour It Up'. The video featured her doing this:

I'll never get over it.

At the American Music Awards on the 24th, Alicia Silverstone was asked who she was most looking forward to meeting. Her answer?

I can't tell if she was taking the piss or if she genuinely thinks that's their name but either way this is hilarious. Rihanna was given the first ever 'ICON' Award at the show, which basically awarded her for having a vast number of Twitter and Instagram followers. Seriously. 

Also one of the most important music videos of the decade dropped on the 19th. It needs no introduction:

I have so much time for all things Bound 2. Sadly, Kanye didn't have time for much else as he descended further into madness on Sway's radio show 'Sway in the Morning'. While the host and MTV presenter named West "one of the most clever people to manipulate the internet", Kanye berated Sway for not having "the answers". To what you say? I'm still unsure. It's frustrating to me that on occasions, Kanye opens his mouth and lil' nuggets of gold come out, but those golden nuggets are surrounded by so much hot air and nothingness you can't take them in. 

December
Part of the reason I waited until the new year to finish this was due to the fact I could give December the same amount as respect as the previous months. I don't get these people who do year reviews half way through December. There's still half of the month left. Sadly for them, those that did missed out on one of the most unprecedented musical events of the year. Which as we all know how as:

Bey day. 

Friday 13th 2013. 

Instead of describing how well Beyoncé's album did is doing, let this gif of Kirby illustrate what went down:

For those who don't get it, Beyoncé is obviously Kirby. The food represents the music industry, people's minds, their wallets and the lessers who couldn't get it together in 2013. The self titled album came after 11 and a half months of teasing, false starts and scrapped material, but left everyone in a frenzy minutes after the whole album and it's 17 music videos dropped out of nowhere. She really broke the internet that day and it still hasn't fully recovered.

I didn't even like Beyoncé thaaaat much before but you couldn't deny.
It was a Christmas M I R A C L E.

But before that on the 2nd, Britney Spears 8th album, 'Britney Jean' was released so somewhat minimal fanfare. After teasing that her next project would be her "most personal album to date" time, and time and time again, the first single which dropped in the crowded month of September sounded anything but. 

So personal.

Whether or not it was her "most personal" became irrelevant, as the words were quickly replaced with "least successful", as the album only managed to reach #4 in the US and 34 in the UK. 

But sales aren't everything.

She also began her much hyped 2 year Las Vegas Residency on the 27th, reportedly raking in $15,000,000 (£9,140,000) a year for the set of shows. I wish someone would pay ME $300,000 a night (yes, three hundred thousand dollars a NIGHT) to do this:

At least she looks good.

So there it is, 2013s guide to pop culture for dummies. I wonder what great and terrible things await us next year? Will Azealia Banks and Iggy Azalea release their long awaited debut LPs in '14? Will Lana Del Rey's second official album 'Ultraviolence' dazzle us or send us to sleep? And will Leo finally get that Oscar he's been pining for his whole career? Only time will tell. All I know is that I never wanna hear the terms "this is my most personal album to date" "open letter" or "twerking" again. Especially by those who can't even do it. 

It's just insulting.

Gubbye.

Credit to: Gifatron, Weheartit, Mrwgifs, Hitfix, and the tumblrs, Happy Endings gifs, elloscambiaron-mivida, middlechildswag, hotnewsgator, realitytvgifs, districtMTV
& Pinkisthenewblog

Miley Cyrus - Bangerz

I tried not to. I wasn't going to. But I found myself pulled in by the alluring statement that the fourth album by Miley Cyrus would be "nothing but Bangerz", hence the album title, 'Bangerz'. With such a strong statement, I'd already made up my mind that the album would feature incredible beats by Pharrell and Miley's new partner in crime Mike Will Made It (who worked on 7 out of the 13 tracks)… while lacking in pretty much everything else. Where my presumptions correct? Let’s see. 

We've seen this time and time again. The young female artist desperate to shed their former (Disney) skin, adopts a newer, "adult" or more "free" version of their past self. Rihanna was the good girl who went bad, Britney became a slave in a circus and of course, Madonna became just about anything and everything she could possibly lend her mind to. Now it's Miley's turn. Leaning more towards the R&B and Hip-Hop influenced side of pop, some of the most unexpected collaborations of the year take place on this album . Among Mike Will as the main producer, 'Bangerz' features guest verses from Big Sean, French Montana, Future, Nelly and Britney herself. Do they really believe she’s talented? Or are they just tryna take a ride on the twerkin' cash cow? No one knows for sure. But save for Big Sean, all other featured artists seem p-r-e-t-t-y disinterested on their own tracks. That should leave you with a clear answer.

When she’s not gassing about purp, Miley’s getting weirdly personal. 'Love Money Party' is cloaked with epic relationship turmoil's , gawking about how she's been through too many heartbreaks "for a human to take" while also being the "girl on the side". You'd never guess it would end up so due to the bumping freaky fairground sound of the track. 'Wrecking Ball' and album opener 'Adore You' are two of the strongest moments on the album, which as you may know, are both *TWIST* ballads. Not exactly what you may cite as a banger. 

The killer production is sadly few and far between. #Getitright is a dud while My Darlin' would be instantly forgettable if it wasn't for the line "I ain't pop no molly but you still got me sweatin'". The Country-Hop '4x4' is the 'Hoedown Throwdown' for nu-Miley, and 'FU' is a showtune tinged kiss-off that can't not be directed at former fiancée Liam Hemsworth. 

After multiple (yes, multiple) listens, it's safe to say this album, isn't exactly flowing with bangerz. The sorta title track 'SMS (Bangerz)' however is a Miami Bass sounding rager that'll probably be a single. Think Bring It On meets 'Baby Got Back' and there you have it. It's a shame that the rest of the album couldn't stick it the way this can. 

C+ 

Key Tracks: Adore You, SMS (Bangerz), Wrecking Ball

Rihanna - Unapologetic (album)

Rihanna is barely a human being. Unapologetic marks the stars 7^th official studio album, more than Christina Aguilera and tying with Britney Spears. Funnily enough it's also her fourth consecutive annual album release for the month of November, with Talk That Talk, Loud and Rated R preceding Unapologetic in 2011, 2010 and 2009 respectively. Although Rihanna may churn out albums faster than the Pussycat Dolls turnover rate, this is her only LP that actually feels rushed, with little thought gone into various aspects of the album.

'Phresh of the Runway' produced by pop and R&B mastermind The-Dream contains his killah signature but is in fact a slightly weak and redundant opener. Third track 'Numb' featuring Eminem is almost too ironic as it is in fact mind-numbingly repetitive. As Rihanna makes her way through the album, flirting with various musical styles including pop ballads ('What Now', 'Stay'), dubstep and dance ('Jump' and 'Right Now'), and 80s synth ('Love Without Loss') it is on the contemporary R&B styles and reggae fusion track 'No Love Allowed' in which the star truly shines. 

It's best to steer completely clear of 'Nobody’s Business' a throwback collaboration with ex-boyfriend Chris Brown (sample lyric: "You’ll always be mine, sing it to the world, always be my boy, always be your girl"), as the two lament the past claiming that it is in fact nobody business. The problem with this is the fact that the two choose to make their relationship everyone's business by writing and singing about it.

The album features heavier twinges of R&B than Rihanna's recent records have. But as previously stated, the album ultimately feels hurried and to be completely honest, lazy in its production and lyrical content.

C

Key Tracks: Diamonds, Love Without Loss/Mother Mary, No Love Allowed

Where Are All The Dark Skinned Women?

If a number of you were asked to name some of the top selling, and most successful music artists at the moment, the names Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, and Rihanna would spring to mind for most. Those that would name these three specifically might also come to say that music, and pop music especially is currently dominated by black artists such as these aforementioned women, and maybe even rank them among the most attractive women in the industry. In fact, Beyoncé herself was recently crowned 'People' magazines “world’s most beautiful woman”, also appearing on the cover.

Rihanna and Battleship co-star Brooklyn Decker

But what stuck out to me was the appearance of Miss Knowles…sorry, Mrs. Carter, on the last issue, looking incredibly light on the cover…and not in the form of weight. Similarly at various press conferences for Rihanna’s first feature film Battleship, the Bajan superstar looked incredibly pale in skin tone, appearing to almost be the same colour as her all-white cast mates. I wondered if it was just me who thought this, but various others on the bloggersphere pointed out that if you covered her face, you wouldn’t be able to tell that that one: the woman in the picture is Rihanna, and two: if she is even remotely black.

Photo retouching, more specifically, retouching a black celebrity’s skin tone such as Beyonce’s to look lighter sadly is nothing new to most of us, as it’s something that is consistently done, to which I think is in part, to make these black beauties appeal to a universal audience, fearing that a darker woman might alienate parts of the public. It also leads me to believe that dark skinned black women are often seen “lesser than”, and often demonised because of their skin tone, with a large number of darker women being cast in Reality TV shows, often being portrayed as, surprise surprise, the bitch (think Tiffany “New York” Pollard, and Omarosa). In fact, on a season 2 episode of Tyra Banks’ competition America’s Next Top Model, she stated during the judging panel section of the show that she has noticed that a number of black women hate to be made darker in photo shoots, referring to a contestant who appeared unhappy to portray performer Grace Jones in a celebrity themed challenge.

Many come to blame the lighting or the “photoshopping” of an image that makes their favourite star look the way they do. However, there are cases in which neither of these are plausible excuses. Which brings me directly to Kimberly Denise Jones, aka Lil' Kim.

 Lil' Kim in 1999 (left) and again in 2012 (right) 

It is blatantly obvious to see the transformation that Lil' Kim has made aesthetically over the years. Kim recently appeared on "BET's Rip The Runway" in which she performed a medley of tracks, in front of a live audience. However, I couldn't believe that the woman standing front centre of the stage was Lil' Kim herself, as the MC appeared to have much lighter skin, an incredibly narrow nose, and very fair hair, looking nothing like the "Hard Core" rapper from the 90s. 

For someone who is often called one of the pioneers of hip-hop, a genre that is in large dominated by men, it is incredibly worrying to see someone transform themselves to the extent to which she has done. It sends out a terrible message that in order to be a successful female within the music industry, and maybe even as a woman in general, there is something unnatural or unattractive about having darker skin. One artist set to change that is Harlem, New York rapstress Azealia Banks, who has found both critical and commercial success, without feeling the need to appear lighter or fairer than she naturally is. 

Similarly with Missy Elliott set to release a new album in June, along with Dawn Richard (an artist who herself has commented on the isolation of being one of very few darker skinned singers) releasing more music soon, it appears as if this may not always be the case within the music industry. 

I for one sincerely hope this isn't.