5 Things That Prove Mariah Carey Is In Fact "Eternally 12 Years Old"

Just over two weeks ago, Mariah Carey sat down with Out magazine to talk about her new album, "dembabies" and her age and place within the music industry. It was here in which she gave her most recent in a steady stream of hilarious quotes, in which she proclaimed that she is "eternally 12 years old".

Eternally. 12 years old.

Although a glance at her wikipedia won't tell you her exact age for certain, as "sources differ", it's safe to say that in her heart and soul - she may actually be correct. Here are 5 things that prove that Mariah Carey, Mimi., The Elusive Chanteuse (and whatever other monikers she has) is in fact eternally 12 years old.

1. She is OBSESSED with Mean Girls.

Carey, as well as husband Nick Cannon have stated numerous times that Mean Girls is her favourite film of all time. She's referenced it a few times publicly. Not only did she quote the Lindsay Lohan film during her stint on 'American Idol', and not only did she reference it in the song and the video to her 2009 single Obsessed, but she and her husband openly recited a scene from the film during an MTV interview a few months ago. These two peas in a pod apparently have no shame. Let this video back me up:

2. She pretends not to know who people are. Or what they do. 

There are so many good soundbites and gifs of this its hard to pick one that illustrates this point best. But the most widely known example would be when The Elusive Chanteuse was interviewed on (German? Dutch? Austrian?) television and asked what she thought about Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez. She couldn't stop singing the formers praises. To quote her exactly, Carey stated "I love Beyonce. I think she's a great writer, great singer...she's also very sweet." When asked about Lopez however she had this to say:

It's the shaking of the head and the journalists long awkward pause that gets me every time.

On Nicki Minaj:

On whoever else:

You can just imagine her in a playground screaming "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU, YOU DON'T EXIST" and so on and so forth. 

3. Her album & fragrance titles. 

Mariah has had a lot of albums. Of those, she's has released, here are the ones that sound like they've been named by a very small pre-teen girl:

1. Glitter

2. Charmbracelet

3. Rainbow

4. Butterfly

5. Daydream

6. Music Box

It's hard for me to pick a favourite. 

Now, I've never smelt a Mariah Carey fragrance but I can imagine it's so sickeningly sweet you'd smell - to also reference Mean Girls - like a baby prostitute. Get ready for these titles because they are the best names for anything I've ever seen. In order of least to most ridiculous:

Lollipop Splash Inseparable

Lollipop Bling Honey

Lollipop Bling Ribbon

Lollipop Bling Mine Again

Lollipop Bling That Chick

Lollipop Splash Never Forget You

and the most absurd: Lollipop Splash Vision of Love

4. Her answer to comparisons of her to Ariana Grande. 

Appearing on the no-holds-barred morning radio show The Breakfast Club in February, Mariah was asked once again as to what she thought about about another female artist. This time, asked about the 'Problem' singer Ariana Grande, in addition to comparisons and comments about the latter being a younger version of Carey - she snapped back with:

"First of all: I'm still young." 

Although she went on to say she wishes everybody well in their careers, that's not important. The above quote is all you need to know.

5. Her thing with Glitter.

In addition to an album named Glitter, she also starred in a film of the same name. If you've heard of the film, you've probably also heard that it's terrible but that's another post altogether. Two references to glitter above the age of 25 is simply two too many (sorry Kesha).  Furthermore, while everyone gave American Idol contestant Candice Glover a standing ovation for her version of The Cure's 'Love Song', Mariah chose to walk up on the stage and do this:

Never change Mariah. I don't hate you, I don't even dislike you and I'll be the first to admit that you have achieved double, maybe more than triple what many of us have and will achieve in a lifetime. But that doesn't stop you from being an endless source of entertainment to us all.

Please. Never change.

Where Are All The Dark Skinned Women?

If a number of you were asked to name some of the top selling, and most successful music artists at the moment, the names Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, and Rihanna would spring to mind for most. Those that would name these three specifically might also come to say that music, and pop music especially is currently dominated by black artists such as these aforementioned women, and maybe even rank them among the most attractive women in the industry. In fact, Beyoncé herself was recently crowned 'People' magazines “world’s most beautiful woman”, also appearing on the cover.

Rihanna and Battleship co-star Brooklyn Decker

But what stuck out to me was the appearance of Miss Knowles…sorry, Mrs. Carter, on the last issue, looking incredibly light on the cover…and not in the form of weight. Similarly at various press conferences for Rihanna’s first feature film Battleship, the Bajan superstar looked incredibly pale in skin tone, appearing to almost be the same colour as her all-white cast mates. I wondered if it was just me who thought this, but various others on the bloggersphere pointed out that if you covered her face, you wouldn’t be able to tell that that one: the woman in the picture is Rihanna, and two: if she is even remotely black.

Photo retouching, more specifically, retouching a black celebrity’s skin tone such as Beyonce’s to look lighter sadly is nothing new to most of us, as it’s something that is consistently done, to which I think is in part, to make these black beauties appeal to a universal audience, fearing that a darker woman might alienate parts of the public. It also leads me to believe that dark skinned black women are often seen “lesser than”, and often demonised because of their skin tone, with a large number of darker women being cast in Reality TV shows, often being portrayed as, surprise surprise, the bitch (think Tiffany “New York” Pollard, and Omarosa). In fact, on a season 2 episode of Tyra Banks’ competition America’s Next Top Model, she stated during the judging panel section of the show that she has noticed that a number of black women hate to be made darker in photo shoots, referring to a contestant who appeared unhappy to portray performer Grace Jones in a celebrity themed challenge.

Many come to blame the lighting or the “photoshopping” of an image that makes their favourite star look the way they do. However, there are cases in which neither of these are plausible excuses. Which brings me directly to Kimberly Denise Jones, aka Lil' Kim.

 Lil' Kim in 1999 (left) and again in 2012 (right) 

It is blatantly obvious to see the transformation that Lil' Kim has made aesthetically over the years. Kim recently appeared on "BET's Rip The Runway" in which she performed a medley of tracks, in front of a live audience. However, I couldn't believe that the woman standing front centre of the stage was Lil' Kim herself, as the MC appeared to have much lighter skin, an incredibly narrow nose, and very fair hair, looking nothing like the "Hard Core" rapper from the 90s. 

For someone who is often called one of the pioneers of hip-hop, a genre that is in large dominated by men, it is incredibly worrying to see someone transform themselves to the extent to which she has done. It sends out a terrible message that in order to be a successful female within the music industry, and maybe even as a woman in general, there is something unnatural or unattractive about having darker skin. One artist set to change that is Harlem, New York rapstress Azealia Banks, who has found both critical and commercial success, without feeling the need to appear lighter or fairer than she naturally is. 

Similarly with Missy Elliott set to release a new album in June, along with Dawn Richard (an artist who herself has commented on the isolation of being one of very few darker skinned singers) releasing more music soon, it appears as if this may not always be the case within the music industry. 

I for one sincerely hope this isn't.

Nicki Minaj- 'Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded' (album)

Like any artist following a super successful debut album, expectations are undoubtedly high for Miss Minaj’s second LP. Nicki has returned to us, without actually going anywhere for a Jekyll and Hyde-ish sophomore album of tracks for both hip-hop and dance-pop lovers. Nicki Minaj pushed the album back from its original release date of 14^th of Feb this year to allow her more time to perfect the album. But to be honest, the end result is almost a complete mess, as I find the album to be incredibly lacklustre, not living up to the hype at all.

Although a string of mediocre songs leaked ahead of time before the album tracklist was finalised, I still had hopes that this album would be incredibly strong, but the fact of the matter is, that Minaj’s rap half of the album isn’t nearly as lyrically on-point as Pink Friday, or her mixtapes that preceded the album, while the dance songs are mostly redundant and end up sounding like every other artist out at the moment only worse, failing to offer anything exciting or new. Album opener “Roman Holiday” would be an incredible song if it wasn’t for the cringe-worthy chorus, and “Whip It” ends up borrowing a verse out of the previously unreleased Nicki Minaj and Cassie track “Fuck U Silly”. But it’s not all bad, as the infectious “Va Va Voom”, “Pound The Alarm” and gritty “Champion” featuring Young Jeezy, Nas, and non-husband Drake end up saving the album from sophomore-slump hell. 

What’s puzzling is that Nicki omits the buzz track “Roman in Moscow” calling the song “wack” when in reality, it’s better than half of the songs on the album. It might be a strong statement to say that Nicki has bought into her own hype for her second effort, but I still have hopes that a third album will be able to marry Minaj’s commercial and “bad-bitch” sides equally, without having to divide fans with a schizophrenic album full of filler.

As much as I like Nicki Minaj, this is extremely disappointing.

C-

Key tracks: Champion, I Am Your Leader